My heart has been successfully burned.

I’m so dramatic. But, I had heart surgery #2 in March and it looks like it was successful. This is a relief, if I’m being honest. They went in and burned the bonus wire that likes to make life a little more chaotic. 

While, yes, I could go into SVT again in the future - thanks to human bodies naturally trying to always go back to normal - but for now I feel like I’m out of a high risk zone. 

Have I noticed any changes? Well, yes. There are actually many things about my heart that I’m realizing wasn’t exactly normal but why would I ever question it? Firstly, my heart seems to be able to return to a normal rhythm quickly. Then, I figured out I can’t hear my heart anymore. I used to be able to hear it beating pretty regularly in my ears. One morning a couple weeks ago I was sitting at the kitchen table and realized it’s very quiet in the house. It’s wild to me that I was used to some type of noise on a regular basis. 

And finally - anxiety. It’s wild when your heart isn’t beating 80-90bpm on the regular how calm you can feel. It’s truly amazing to not feel wound up all the time. 

I also wanted to write about how M was a rock through this process. He never wavered in being my strength and holding me when I wanted to cry or got worried about the surgery. Even when we were in the hospital and overheard a nurse asking another patient about their DNR and subsequently he asked me what I wanted. We’ve talked at length before about our wishes for such things, but it was good to reiterate. He told me the other day that while yes, he’s still learning all about me he never thought he’d learn so much about my literal heart. Ah, true love. 

Onto better and happier things…